Thankful, Thankful!

It's Thanksgiving so I would like to mention some things in my life that are going pretty amazingly right now.

1.) I did a powerful meditation on a Friday night on attracting wealth.  I got the skin prickles and everything! The very next day,  I had a tutoring client that needed me for 8+hours!  She paid me more than I have ever made in a day and she was SO grateful, she kept apologizing for not being able to give me more!

2.) My kids are getting a lot easier!  The older they get, the easier it is! I believe our no (or very, very minimal) T.V. rule has helped here.  I'm sure the fact that they have a clearly defined work area has helped as well.  It is really easy for them to just sit and work quietly on their own.  Also, the longer you parent, the more you learn about parenting (your own children, of course).

3.) I am learning French.  It is really hard but I love that I am actually putting in the discipline and hard work - and I can see the benefits of it! I typically have the pattern of starting something... then starting something ELSE before I'm done with the previous thing.  I love to change with the wind... I read somewhere that this pattern is a recipe for never reaching your goals.  Discipline is key.  I love that I am learning it (and French at the same time!).

4.) For as long as I can remember, I struggled with allowing other people's opinions of me define how I see myself.  If someone was angry with me - I would beat myself up about it.  This year, I have been working on NOT doing that.  I've FINALLY developed the magical ability to separate myself from other people's *stuff*.  It is RIDICULOUSLY freeing!   I need to write a blog post on that...

5.) Because of the above, I am able to be more of myself!  It is super uncomfortable to shrink myself in order to fit into what makes others feel comfortable...  So happy I don't have to do that anymore!  Of course I do not want people to feel uncomfortable - and I would never knowingly offend someone.  However, I have realized that their discomfort typically has nothing to do with me. ;).

And I that is it for now!

Magic.

Last night, my friend came over for a Reiki session - and it was magical. Honestly, every session is pretty amazing.  But when there is a personal AND spiritual connection to the person I'm working on (also lots and lots of openness and transparency), minds are blown. It's like I get an energy session, too!

Even though I haven't talked to her in a few weeks - we are experiencing a lot of similar things in our spiritual lives.  It was incredibly insightful to compare notes.

Not to mention how validating it feels to have visuals during the session that coincide with her visuals! So many "wow" moments last night.

Love.This.Journey. <3

I do anything I want.

Once upon a time, I lived by very strict rules. I would only do things that matter.  I would NOT be superficial enough to shop at a mall. "Ugh".  I would not waste time on frivolous dreams. And I would NOT at all wear lipstick.

Well, things have changed.  I have a new mantra (borrowed from my friend Narinder): "I can do anything I want to do".

I shopped for black patent-leather pumps at a mall.  I wore red lipstick at my best friend's birthday dinner.  ANDDDDDD I am learning French.  I have this fantasy of sitting on a beautiful beach in the south of France, reading a French novel and talking to the locals in their native tongue in a black bikini.  Right now, it is just a fantasy.  As I am barely able to say a sentence besides "Comment ca va?"  But I am TOTALLY working on it.  And by this time next year, I hope to be speaking fluent French and planning a vacation in France... or at least Quebec!

Red Lips!

It is super tempting to put yourself in a box by believing things like: "I'm not the kind of person that does this, or I am the kind of person that does that".  But that box will eventually stop you from living life to the fullest... not to mention creating blocks and shadows (which will cause you to do things that hurt yourself and others).

Be free. Live fully.

Love and Light <3!

Love + Acceptance

I was rejected today. Well, not really. Someone said something that triggered the rejection emotion - which, in my case is a BIG emotion. I was sobbing, ruining my make-up and everything.

"That's why nobody likes you" my brother used so say.

"That's why nobody likes you" is chanted over and over in my head just below my consciousness.

Two things about this statement.

1.) That no one likes me.

2.) (and this is the worst of the two) That there is an intrinsically, unlikeable quality I possess that prevents love and acceptance.

So, I have developed methods to neutralize this quality… Some of them healthier than others. A few examples include: trying to be as attractive as possible, making really good grades, and constantly monitoring all interactions to gauge if I am deemed acceptable by the other party.

Today, I was found *unacceptable* by my gauge, which triggered a plethora of tears and wrenching emotions. 

Perhaps it was because I have a new ability to look deeper within.  Or perhaps it was because I had the words *loved* and *accepted* on my alter.  Whatever the reason, I was able to stop in the middle of my wails and listen.  I really listened. That’s when I heard the chanting so clearly. And I saw myself as a little girl, wanting acceptance and love – and all the insecure feelings came to the surface – and I cried some more. Then I gave that little girl some love.

And THEN I was good.