I deserve love.

I do not sell my art.  I have had numerous requests for me to sell my work. However the thought of selling my art - makes me unmotivated to even MAKE art.  Which is stupid - because I need money - and I make art - it's a "DUH" kinda situation.  I finally decided to journal about it and, I realize what the problem is...  This is going to sound really dramatic, but  here goes:

Post Cards I had printed, but have been too afraid to sell :/

People buy art because they love the artist behind the art and....I feel like I don't deserve love.

I know, I know.  You guys are like: "She is sooooo over the top".  <- That is what I think about myself. That is also probably why I haven't been dealing with these issues until recently.  Fortunately,  journaling forces me to write down my *real* thoughts - no matter how illogical or frivolous. The more I journal, the more I am able to uncensor myself and the REAL truth comes out automatically.  (Have I convinced you to start journaling, yet? Say Yes!)

(I don't want to make this a Christian bashing blog but, that is where most of my shadows originate.)  My Christian upbringing taught me that man is *inherently* evil - that we are born deserving hell and the only way to get into God's good graces is to become a Christian.  Then, like magic, we are pure and clean.

I am sure that this belief system makes some Christians feel *safe* and *good*.  Unfortunately, it makes me feel undeserving and bad and.... dirty.  And if I am bad, the kind of bad that deserves eternal torture in the fiery pits of hell, then CLEARLY I do not deserve love.

Which is crazy.  Obviously, everyone deserves love - and those who get the least of it become the source of the *worst* acts in society.

So, from here on out, my mantra is going to be: "I deserve love".  Because I do!  And so do you ;).

Love and Light

Ayana