I am *not* ugly.

 We recently had in-laws in town, and one of them gave me a hard time about my feet - that hurt my feelings so bad, I started crying.  In the store.  Well, it was a corner of the store so not to draw attention to myself - especially from the offending family member.  Maybe she would be sympathetic and
apologize - or maybe she wouldn't be and state that she was just "speaking the truth".

And speaking the truth, would be accurate - as my feet were horrible.  I hadn't had a pedicure in at least 6 months.  I may have polished my toes since then - but not in the last few months.  So not only was the polish chipping - but it had grown out so bad that the bottom third had no polish at all, whatsoever.  It was bad.  

I describe myself as a low-maintenance type of chick.  Actually it may be a bit more extreme than that.  I do not do a lot of self-maintenance besides the obligatory daily shower and brushing/flossing my teeth twice a day.

I rarely shave my legs.
I (obviously) do not get pedicures.
And my eyebrows are fully grown in most of the time.

These things may be present in someone *spiritual* and not concerned about such vanity.  However, my tears indicated that was not the case.

I could have just gotten a pedicure and been done with it.... But I knew from my extreme emotional response that it was deeper than that.  And it was.

So I journaled my way through it.  Which is what I usually do when I am having some sort of inner dilemma    From journaling, it became clear that that the reason I don't do things to *prettify* myself is because I do not feel pretty.  In fact, I feel that spending time + money on making myself attractive is a waste of both.

Which is really, really sad and pathetic.

And stupid.  I am obviously not (that) ugly.  Actually, I don't think I am ugly at all.  I just sometimes have a warped image of myself.  Not unlike a lot of women.

And my journaling alerted me to that.  I haven't quite finished working through it completely, yet - but seeing the issue so clearly is a huge step in resolving it.   I am so, so, grateful for journaling.  I highly recommend it!

BTW, I did get a pedicure (paid for by said family member!)- and made myself a cute little toe ring.  Here is a tutorial for you to make your own!  Just use a smaller gauge wire - I used 16 gauge - which is pretty easy to find in the hardware store.

Love and Light
Ayana.