Why I twerk...

I have a problem with hood music.  And when I say "problem", I mean I have to dance as hard and fast as I can whenever the most degrading-to-women song comes on.  You may even find me popping splits or feet up on the wall - in a semi-handstand, shaking my booty.

Not a modest dancer

It is quite entertaining to watch (I'm told).  As much fun as I have while I am dancing, I am so embarrassed afterwards.  When I was 7 months pregnant with my (now 2 year old) daughter, I was in my cousin's wedding.  I acted a FOOL at the reception.  Just imagine a huge belly lady, popping and shaking like she is at a club.  Total Foolishness.

This is my shadow.  One of them, anyway.

I recently read The Shadow Effect, by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson (I listened to it on my MP3) - and it changed my life!

I know, I know, I say that everything is changing my life these days.  But seriously.  This book Changed.My.Life.

The basic premise is that we were taught at a young age to *split* ourselves.  That there is bad us - and good us.  The bad us needs to be exterminated so we work really hard to do only good things so that we can "Be Good".  All of our *bad* qualities need to be pushed down as far as possible.  And shame is how it is done. Shame is what creates the shadow.

Unfortunately for us wanna-be-do-gooders, they don't stay down. Our bad qualities have a habit of coming up in unexpected ways - a lot of times WORST than just doing whatever *bad* thing we were trying not to do.

Growing up, I was told that a Godly woman was a modest one.  That I should make sure to dress modestly, to act modestly.  That any urge to act outside of these established boundaries was sinful and therefore should be avoided at all costs.  ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex.  As a matter of fact, I should not even *think* about boys. - much less date them.  My family was really into the book: I kissed dating, goodbye, by Joshua Harris.  They thought it was a GENIUS idea!  "Why, if you don't date, then you can't get into trouble."

Obviously, I had to dance as wild as possible.  This was my way of letting off all of that repressed energy.  Unfortunately, I am ASHAMED of myself afterwards.  So stupid.

I should learn from the The Shadow Effect book I should not be ashamed of my wild-dancing ways.  That shame is what created the shadow in the first place!

Well, I'm working on it ;).