Healing and Wholeness.

Healing and Wholeness by John A. Sanford

I REALLY need to tell you about this book.

I would say that it has changed my life, however the contents in the book changed my life before I even picked up the book from the free shelf at the library.  What this book has done is explain to me what I already know about my s
piritual growth in terms that are definable.

You see, although this book was written decades before Deepak Chopra became a household name, he describes almost everything I learned from Deepak's book: The Shadow Effect.

The main reason I am in love with this book is because it gives me the terminology to express the Shadow in terms that are definable.  Although I am grateful for the popularity of New Age philosophy and its loose terminology, the wording, unfortunately does not lend itself to be understood by extremely rational and sometimes skeptical minds (i.e. my husband).

Health and Wholeness explains spiritual development with psychology.  The author, John A. Sanford was a Jungian Psychologist as well as an Episcopal Priest.  His premise is that in order to be healthy, one must be whole (more specifically on the path to wholeness because one can never reach complete wholeness in a lifetime).  He also makes a great point, saying society cannot be the entity that determines if someone is healthy/whole, because society itself may be sick.  Therefore, statements like "He is well-adjusted." does not say anything about one's health.

Neither is "peace of mind" a measure of health.  The transition to wholeness requires discomfort and uneasiness.  And for spiritual healers, it requires extreme discomfort and unease - sometimes life-threateningly so.

Here are a few quotes from the book I'd like to share:

"The center of consciousness is the ego, the "I" part of us that does the willing, suffering, choosing in life; the part of us which we are most immediately aware". pg 5

"For psychological healing to occur there must be a relationship between the ego and the forces of the unconscious. This relationship is achieved primarily through becoming conscious of the contents of the unconscious." pg. 93

"Thus wholeness results in the reorganization of the personality on a higher, more developed level.  Since this kind of growth can never be achieved without the death of the old state of consciousness, there is inevitably, in every instance in which someone begins to become whole, a considerable measure of pain and suffering" pg.93

"We find ourselves rejecting the unconscious as the origin of dark things, especially if we possess a one-sided Christian consciousness that insists upon absolute goodness, and cannot tolerate the ambiguous and paradoxical side to wholeness" pg. 101

As you can see, this book is an absolute gem. I plan to read it a couple more times.   P.S. You can get it from Amazon for 1 penny (plus 3.99 shipping)!  <- I am not making any money off of this link. I just think it's great. <3.

Thankful, Thankful!

It's Thanksgiving so I would like to mention some things in my life that are going pretty amazingly right now.

1.) I did a powerful meditation on a Friday night on attracting wealth.  I got the skin prickles and everything! The very next day,  I had a tutoring client that needed me for 8+hours!  She paid me more than I have ever made in a day and she was SO grateful, she kept apologizing for not being able to give me more!

2.) My kids are getting a lot easier!  The older they get, the easier it is! I believe our no (or very, very minimal) T.V. rule has helped here.  I'm sure the fact that they have a clearly defined work area has helped as well.  It is really easy for them to just sit and work quietly on their own.  Also, the longer you parent, the more you learn about parenting (your own children, of course).

3.) I am learning French.  It is really hard but I love that I am actually putting in the discipline and hard work - and I can see the benefits of it! I typically have the pattern of starting something... then starting something ELSE before I'm done with the previous thing.  I love to change with the wind... I read somewhere that this pattern is a recipe for never reaching your goals.  Discipline is key.  I love that I am learning it (and French at the same time!).

4.) For as long as I can remember, I struggled with allowing other people's opinions of me define how I see myself.  If someone was angry with me - I would beat myself up about it.  This year, I have been working on NOT doing that.  I've FINALLY developed the magical ability to separate myself from other people's *stuff*.  It is RIDICULOUSLY freeing!   I need to write a blog post on that...

5.) Because of the above, I am able to be more of myself!  It is super uncomfortable to shrink myself in order to fit into what makes others feel comfortable...  So happy I don't have to do that anymore!  Of course I do not want people to feel uncomfortable - and I would never knowingly offend someone.  However, I have realized that their discomfort typically has nothing to do with me. ;).

And I that is it for now!

Magic.

Last night, my friend came over for a Reiki session - and it was magical. Honestly, every session is pretty amazing.  But when there is a personal AND spiritual connection to the person I'm working on (also lots and lots of openness and transparency), minds are blown. It's like I get an energy session, too!

Even though I haven't talked to her in a few weeks - we are experiencing a lot of similar things in our spiritual lives.  It was incredibly insightful to compare notes.

Not to mention how validating it feels to have visuals during the session that coincide with her visuals! So many "wow" moments last night.

Love.This.Journey. <3

I do anything I want.

Once upon a time, I lived by very strict rules. I would only do things that matter.  I would NOT be superficial enough to shop at a mall. "Ugh".  I would not waste time on frivolous dreams. And I would NOT at all wear lipstick.

Well, things have changed.  I have a new mantra (borrowed from my friend Narinder): "I can do anything I want to do".

I shopped for black patent-leather pumps at a mall.  I wore red lipstick at my best friend's birthday dinner.  ANDDDDDD I am learning French.  I have this fantasy of sitting on a beautiful beach in the south of France, reading a French novel and talking to the locals in their native tongue in a black bikini.  Right now, it is just a fantasy.  As I am barely able to say a sentence besides "Comment ca va?"  But I am TOTALLY working on it.  And by this time next year, I hope to be speaking fluent French and planning a vacation in France... or at least Quebec!

Red Lips!

It is super tempting to put yourself in a box by believing things like: "I'm not the kind of person that does this, or I am the kind of person that does that".  But that box will eventually stop you from living life to the fullest... not to mention creating blocks and shadows (which will cause you to do things that hurt yourself and others).

Be free. Live fully.

Love and Light <3!

Love + Acceptance

I was rejected today. Well, not really. Someone said something that triggered the rejection emotion - which, in my case is a BIG emotion. I was sobbing, ruining my make-up and everything.

"That's why nobody likes you" my brother used so say.

"That's why nobody likes you" is chanted over and over in my head just below my consciousness.

Two things about this statement.

1.) That no one likes me.

2.) (and this is the worst of the two) That there is an intrinsically, unlikeable quality I possess that prevents love and acceptance.

So, I have developed methods to neutralize this quality… Some of them healthier than others. A few examples include: trying to be as attractive as possible, making really good grades, and constantly monitoring all interactions to gauge if I am deemed acceptable by the other party.

Today, I was found *unacceptable* by my gauge, which triggered a plethora of tears and wrenching emotions. 

Perhaps it was because I have a new ability to look deeper within.  Or perhaps it was because I had the words *loved* and *accepted* on my alter.  Whatever the reason, I was able to stop in the middle of my wails and listen.  I really listened. That’s when I heard the chanting so clearly. And I saw myself as a little girl, wanting acceptance and love – and all the insecure feelings came to the surface – and I cried some more. Then I gave that little girl some love.

And THEN I was good. 

I quit my job last month...

I quit my easy, fun job whose pay was not too bad that fit perfectly into my schedule.  I worked 6-11pm a few nights out of the week.  So, my husband was home by the time it was time for me to leave to go to work.    Also, we were on the quarter system so every 12 weeks, I could decide to work more or less.

It was hard to quit.  Not just because of the above reasons.  It was hard because my bosses kept asking me to stay.  The big boss literally asked me if he needed to beg.   Then he threatened to start a petition. My students also asked several times for me to stay “just until they graduated”.  I know it seems like I am bragging – but I am totally being honest.  I have never been so appreciated at a job before.  There are some great people there. (If you are in the Atlanta area with an electrical engineering degree and are looking for a part-time gig, send me your resume!)

I know what you are thinking.  Why would you quit?  All these people out here looking for a good job and you just up and leave yours????

There are a few reasons.  The first reason is because I want to focus on my Holistic Energy business.  Also, my son did not like me to go to work at night.  He hated that I had to leave before dinner and he did not get to see me until the next day.  

The main reason, though is because I want to be authentic in everything I do.  I worked at one of those night schools were the curriculum is very scripted and the students' workload is very heavy.  The curriculum is developed for all the campuses across the nation and leaves very little room for adaptability.  Anyone who teaches knows that it is impossible to implement a scripted curriculum while still maintaining a connection to the class.  Everyone learns at different rates and in different ways. So, the expectations (in my opinion) were a bit ridiculous.  I was a lot more laid back than I was supposed to be.  We *may* or may not have missed a few required quizzes.  We *may* have spent more than 50% of the class time talking about how to live a happier life + removing blocks (the former depends on the latter, by the way).  I *may* have even done some energy work on a couple of students who were having a really hard time.  All these things NOT being a part of my job description.

I was always paranoid that my boss would come in and *catch me* not doing what I was “supposed to be doing”.  When in my heart, that WAS what I was supposed to be doing.  My students needed that.  The conflict, though, was eating me up.  So, I told them I had to leave.

My kids are definitely much happier I’m home.   My husband is, too.  The money helped a lot with our financial obligations, but there is nothing like mama being home for dinner, ya know?

We decided to live with another family.

family one

A couple of months ago, I got a group text message from my friend, Kisha saying:  "Do you know anyone interested in house-sharing?  We are looking to house-share with another family."
My head spun!  I had never even HEARD of house-sharing - but I immediately sent her a message back saying: "We may be! Call me when you can".

I met Kisha at the farmer's market a couple of years ago.  It was around the time I was first considering homeschooling.  As soon as I saw her amazing free-form locs and her kids getting excited over dried figs, I knew they lived an alternative lifestyle.  I approached her and randomly asked her if she homeschooled, and she said "Why, yes I do".  And we became friends!

Our communication was mostly through text because she didn't live very close and her kids were on a different schedule than mine.  But whenever we talked, we got along really well and realized we have a lot in common.

During the call about house-sharing, Kisha and I set up a meeting so that the families could meet and see the house.  The days leading up to the meeting, I was convinced it wouldn't work out.  I mean, how could it really?  Married people can barely live together!  And wasn't it so weird to have 4 adults living together?  I didn't want to cancel.  I figured when they came, it would be clear to everyone that it wasn't a good idea.  Well, I was wrong.  Just the opposite was the case.

Our family dynamics matched very well.  We had similar goals (getting out of debt); the kids were excited, and they all liked the space.  Also (most importantly) Kisha and her husband are some of the nicest people you will ever meet.  They are extremely considerate and generous.  They are the kind of people that you just *want* to do stuff for.   We actually asked for less rent than what they offered!

They moved in about a month ago and it was definitely a great decision for us.  I can't tell you how amazing it is to have two moms in the same house.  One day I was super burned out.  I hadn't eaten and my kids were... you know, being kids.   I was so hungry, I was HANGRY.  I was so HANGRY, I didn't want to make myself anything to eat.  Kisha took one look at me, and said "You need to eat something." Then she proceeded to make me the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich I have ever had.

First, she toasted the super fresh bread in some super fresh organic coconut oil.  Then she spread on  peanut butter made from freshly ground peanuts, sprinkled it with a dash of salt, then she added the jelly.  She doesn't use regular jelly - she used strawberry butter .  It is really smooth.  She then mixes the peanut butter and strawberry butter together ON the bread!  Every single bite is a perfect blend of bread, peanut butter, and jelly.  YUM!

If you are in a tight financial bind, I must say it is SO worth trying to houseshare.

Here are some of the benefits:

1.) Kids have playmates all the time.  Zeke and Anaya are pretty extroverted, so company is ALWAYS welcome in their eyes.  They are way more likely, now, to play outside for extended periods of time.  Also, with that many kids, the things they come up with are hilarious and amazing.  At one point, they were all digging a hole under the deck while it was pouring rain, claiming they were *making* clay.

2.) *I* have someone to talk to all the time!  We share a lot of the same spiritual beliefs, so we always have something to talk about.

3.) Her food is AMAZING.  It is obvious that she pours her heart into all her food (and maybe even the kitchen, because I swear, MY food taste better since she's been here).  Also, she has great tips on cooking - so maybe that accounts for the better tasting food...

3.) It's really easy to share babysitting duties with 4 adults in the house.

4.) We are all saving lots on bills!

5.) I have less crap. Sharing space forces you to be more efficient with your things.

There are a few things that make sharing space less than ideal.  Some of them include:

1.)  Less space.  Yes, I am more efficient with the space that I have now. But still.

2.)  I have to always clean up after myself.  I am more of a clean-up-when-I-feel-like-it type of housekeeper.  Unfortunately, that is not the most considerate quality in a housemate situation.

3.) We have different parenting styles.  My husband and my goal in parenting and education is a lot more emotionally-conscious and less traditional than most people.  We try really hard not use shame (OR praise) to manipulate our children to do things.  We want to train our children to use their own moral compass instead of being motivated to earn our approval (or avoid our anger).  While Kisha does not use corporal punishment (if she did, we would not be able to house-share), she definitely uses a more traditional style of parenting.

4.) I can't wear booty-shorts around the house.  Or have loud *discussions* with my husband or any other thing that I probably wouldn't do in public.

All in all, though, it was a great decision for us.  We have an agreement try it for at least 6 months.  So, in October, we will all revisit the situation and see if we want to continue.  Even if we decide to part ways then, I am really happy I didn't cancel that meeting!  

This post was added to Effy's Blog Along!