Honing your empathic abilities.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a classic empath.  Here is a link to a full description.  If you are the type that can't be bothered with too much information, here is a shorter definition: an empath is someone who senses others emotions and thoughts more clearly than most.

To be honest, my empathic abilities can be super beneficial in my friendships and as a teacher/tutor.  I am able to get inside my friends' minds and figure out how I can add value to their life.  I figure out what makes them tick.  I sense what may be stopping them from living their best possible life.  I then use that information to see how I can assist them in their journey.  I love the intimate relationships I develop with people using this skill.

As a teacher/tutor, I am able to figure out how my students think so that I can teach them in a highly effective manner.  I see when students merely need more confidence (as opposed to more knowledge).  I see where they make incorrect assumptions - and I can typically intuit why they made them.  I use this information to adjust my teaching strategy.  My students are always delighted to realize that, yes, they actually CAN learn anything.  (I especially loved working with students who labeled themselves as "bad at math" then after a few sessions with me, they were "good at math").

Unfortunately, this *gift* has a dark side.  Being privy to another person's emotional and mental states, I am tempted to ALWAYS be a light in the other person's life.  I can get so consumed in what someone else experiences/feels/thinks, that I might neglect my own needs.  Because I can feel their energy almost as clearly (and sometimes more clearly) than my own, it seems rational to do anything I can to help.

Fortunately, I have figured out that this is not the healthiest tendency.  This can be downright draining.  Many people have reported that when they get so overwhelmed with other people's energy, they just shut down.  They have to go be by themselves for a while.  While this is not necessarily a bad idea (it's great to be alone sometimes), requiring alone time can sometimes feel limiting. You may not want to cancel a dinner date with a potential new friend - or miss a friend's wedding.

Here are some tips that will help you preserve yourself and your gift without becoming a recluse.

Use your empathic abilities on yourself first!  
As an empath, you possess special skills to feel and understand nature of emotions and motivation vastly and deeply.  Treat yourself like you would a friend.  Know what YOUR needs are.  What is  YOUR worldview and how is it different from those around you?  What exactly do YOU need in this moment.

Only connect to others for a limited time.
One of my most gratifying activities is spending time with friends.  I have some pretty great friends, so my time with them is typically magical.   However, if I spend extended time with someone, I can easily lose myself in him/her.  In order to extend my hang out time, I will intentionally disconnect for a couple minutes every 45min-and hour.  Allowing this time to reset keeps me present in my own body and emotions and prevents me from getting too intertwined.

Know that sometimes it is okay to not connect at all.  
We were in NYC last week and I rode the subway a LOT.  I kept feeling my energy wandering around the train.  I love NYC, and the people who live there are so interesting to me.  However, allowing my energy to mindlessly wander around the train car was extremely draining.   Doing a quick check to scan for danger is a good idea, but anything more can cause more harm than good.  This brings me to the next tip.

Be intentional.  
As an empath, you probably automatically sense others' energy fields.  This is a dangerous habit! For one thing, if you don't realize what you are doing, you won't realize why your mood suddenly changes (like taking a turn for the worst when you are attending a seemingly nice event; someone going through a hard time could have brushed past you).  Another reason to be intentional is that you need to conserve yourself.  Whenever you use your empathic abilities on people that are not open to sharing, you will feel a drain.  So instead of automatically spreading your tentacles, try to focus your attention to a limited amount of specifically-chosen people at a time. (This may be just you!)

Realize that each person has a monopoly on his/her own truth.
Because an empath is so clearly feeling another person's energy, it is tempting to *believe his/her own interpretation*. We, as empaths, have to keep in mind that we can only interpret what we sense through our own perspectives; we filter our inputs through the lens of our own understanding.  To not realize this is very dangerous.  It's dangerous to us, because we can become frustrated with the other person's life decisions. It's dangerous to the other person, because if he/she values your opinion, your voice may become louder than his/her own internal voice.

I hope these tips help you in your journey to honing your empathic gifts.  Please let me know if they do, or if you have any other tips to add!

P.S. I use my empathic abilities to help my clients listen to their own inner truth.  In my sacred studio space, we create an energetic and interpersonal bond to allow the most beneficial energy to flow.  This transformative work allows clients to see the hidden, limiting beliefs and subsequently release them!  If this sounds like something that may help you on your journey, send me a quick email to schedule a session: ayanared <at> gmail <dot> com.  Also you can view my website for more information: ayanared.com

Love and Light.

Healing and Wholeness.

Healing and Wholeness by John A. Sanford

I REALLY need to tell you about this book.

I would say that it has changed my life, however the contents in the book changed my life before I even picked up the book from the free shelf at the library.  What this book has done is explain to me what I already know about my s
piritual growth in terms that are definable.

You see, although this book was written decades before Deepak Chopra became a household name, he describes almost everything I learned from Deepak's book: The Shadow Effect.

The main reason I am in love with this book is because it gives me the terminology to express the Shadow in terms that are definable.  Although I am grateful for the popularity of New Age philosophy and its loose terminology, the wording, unfortunately does not lend itself to be understood by extremely rational and sometimes skeptical minds (i.e. my husband).

Health and Wholeness explains spiritual development with psychology.  The author, John A. Sanford was a Jungian Psychologist as well as an Episcopal Priest.  His premise is that in order to be healthy, one must be whole (more specifically on the path to wholeness because one can never reach complete wholeness in a lifetime).  He also makes a great point, saying society cannot be the entity that determines if someone is healthy/whole, because society itself may be sick.  Therefore, statements like "He is well-adjusted." does not say anything about one's health.

Neither is "peace of mind" a measure of health.  The transition to wholeness requires discomfort and uneasiness.  And for spiritual healers, it requires extreme discomfort and unease - sometimes life-threateningly so.

Here are a few quotes from the book I'd like to share:

"The center of consciousness is the ego, the "I" part of us that does the willing, suffering, choosing in life; the part of us which we are most immediately aware". pg 5

"For psychological healing to occur there must be a relationship between the ego and the forces of the unconscious. This relationship is achieved primarily through becoming conscious of the contents of the unconscious." pg. 93

"Thus wholeness results in the reorganization of the personality on a higher, more developed level.  Since this kind of growth can never be achieved without the death of the old state of consciousness, there is inevitably, in every instance in which someone begins to become whole, a considerable measure of pain and suffering" pg.93

"We find ourselves rejecting the unconscious as the origin of dark things, especially if we possess a one-sided Christian consciousness that insists upon absolute goodness, and cannot tolerate the ambiguous and paradoxical side to wholeness" pg. 101

As you can see, this book is an absolute gem. I plan to read it a couple more times.   P.S. You can get it from Amazon for 1 penny (plus 3.99 shipping)!  <- I am not making any money off of this link. I just think it's great. <3.

Thankful, Thankful!

It's Thanksgiving so I would like to mention some things in my life that are going pretty amazingly right now.

1.) I did a powerful meditation on a Friday night on attracting wealth.  I got the skin prickles and everything! The very next day,  I had a tutoring client that needed me for 8+hours!  She paid me more than I have ever made in a day and she was SO grateful, she kept apologizing for not being able to give me more!

2.) My kids are getting a lot easier!  The older they get, the easier it is! I believe our no (or very, very minimal) T.V. rule has helped here.  I'm sure the fact that they have a clearly defined work area has helped as well.  It is really easy for them to just sit and work quietly on their own.  Also, the longer you parent, the more you learn about parenting (your own children, of course).

3.) I am learning French.  It is really hard but I love that I am actually putting in the discipline and hard work - and I can see the benefits of it! I typically have the pattern of starting something... then starting something ELSE before I'm done with the previous thing.  I love to change with the wind... I read somewhere that this pattern is a recipe for never reaching your goals.  Discipline is key.  I love that I am learning it (and French at the same time!).

4.) For as long as I can remember, I struggled with allowing other people's opinions of me define how I see myself.  If someone was angry with me - I would beat myself up about it.  This year, I have been working on NOT doing that.  I've FINALLY developed the magical ability to separate myself from other people's *stuff*.  It is RIDICULOUSLY freeing!   I need to write a blog post on that...

5.) Because of the above, I am able to be more of myself!  It is super uncomfortable to shrink myself in order to fit into what makes others feel comfortable...  So happy I don't have to do that anymore!  Of course I do not want people to feel uncomfortable - and I would never knowingly offend someone.  However, I have realized that their discomfort typically has nothing to do with me. ;).

And I that is it for now!

Magic.

Last night, my friend came over for a Reiki session - and it was magical. Honestly, every session is pretty amazing.  But when there is a personal AND spiritual connection to the person I'm working on (also lots and lots of openness and transparency), minds are blown. It's like I get an energy session, too!

Even though I haven't talked to her in a few weeks - we are experiencing a lot of similar things in our spiritual lives.  It was incredibly insightful to compare notes.

Not to mention how validating it feels to have visuals during the session that coincide with her visuals! So many "wow" moments last night.

Love.This.Journey. <3

I do anything I want.

Once upon a time, I lived by very strict rules. I would only do things that matter.  I would NOT be superficial enough to shop at a mall. "Ugh".  I would not waste time on frivolous dreams. And I would NOT at all wear lipstick.

Well, things have changed.  I have a new mantra (borrowed from my friend Narinder): "I can do anything I want to do".

I shopped for black patent-leather pumps at a mall.  I wore red lipstick at my best friend's birthday dinner.  ANDDDDDD I am learning French.  I have this fantasy of sitting on a beautiful beach in the south of France, reading a French novel and talking to the locals in their native tongue in a black bikini.  Right now, it is just a fantasy.  As I am barely able to say a sentence besides "Comment ca va?"  But I am TOTALLY working on it.  And by this time next year, I hope to be speaking fluent French and planning a vacation in France... or at least Quebec!

Red Lips!

It is super tempting to put yourself in a box by believing things like: "I'm not the kind of person that does this, or I am the kind of person that does that".  But that box will eventually stop you from living life to the fullest... not to mention creating blocks and shadows (which will cause you to do things that hurt yourself and others).

Be free. Live fully.

Love and Light <3!

Love + Acceptance

I was rejected today. Well, not really. Someone said something that triggered the rejection emotion - which, in my case is a BIG emotion. I was sobbing, ruining my make-up and everything.

"That's why nobody likes you" my brother used so say.

"That's why nobody likes you" is chanted over and over in my head just below my consciousness.

Two things about this statement.

1.) That no one likes me.

2.) (and this is the worst of the two) That there is an intrinsically, unlikeable quality I possess that prevents love and acceptance.

So, I have developed methods to neutralize this quality… Some of them healthier than others. A few examples include: trying to be as attractive as possible, making really good grades, and constantly monitoring all interactions to gauge if I am deemed acceptable by the other party.

Today, I was found *unacceptable* by my gauge, which triggered a plethora of tears and wrenching emotions. 

Perhaps it was because I have a new ability to look deeper within.  Or perhaps it was because I had the words *loved* and *accepted* on my alter.  Whatever the reason, I was able to stop in the middle of my wails and listen.  I really listened. That’s when I heard the chanting so clearly. And I saw myself as a little girl, wanting acceptance and love – and all the insecure feelings came to the surface – and I cried some more. Then I gave that little girl some love.

And THEN I was good. 

I quit my job last month...

I quit my easy, fun job whose pay was not too bad that fit perfectly into my schedule.  I worked 6-11pm a few nights out of the week.  So, my husband was home by the time it was time for me to leave to go to work.    Also, we were on the quarter system so every 12 weeks, I could decide to work more or less.

It was hard to quit.  Not just because of the above reasons.  It was hard because my bosses kept asking me to stay.  The big boss literally asked me if he needed to beg.   Then he threatened to start a petition. My students also asked several times for me to stay “just until they graduated”.  I know it seems like I am bragging – but I am totally being honest.  I have never been so appreciated at a job before.  There are some great people there. (If you are in the Atlanta area with an electrical engineering degree and are looking for a part-time gig, send me your resume!)

I know what you are thinking.  Why would you quit?  All these people out here looking for a good job and you just up and leave yours????

There are a few reasons.  The first reason is because I want to focus on my Holistic Energy business.  Also, my son did not like me to go to work at night.  He hated that I had to leave before dinner and he did not get to see me until the next day.  

The main reason, though is because I want to be authentic in everything I do.  I worked at one of those night schools were the curriculum is very scripted and the students' workload is very heavy.  The curriculum is developed for all the campuses across the nation and leaves very little room for adaptability.  Anyone who teaches knows that it is impossible to implement a scripted curriculum while still maintaining a connection to the class.  Everyone learns at different rates and in different ways. So, the expectations (in my opinion) were a bit ridiculous.  I was a lot more laid back than I was supposed to be.  We *may* or may not have missed a few required quizzes.  We *may* have spent more than 50% of the class time talking about how to live a happier life + removing blocks (the former depends on the latter, by the way).  I *may* have even done some energy work on a couple of students who were having a really hard time.  All these things NOT being a part of my job description.

I was always paranoid that my boss would come in and *catch me* not doing what I was “supposed to be doing”.  When in my heart, that WAS what I was supposed to be doing.  My students needed that.  The conflict, though, was eating me up.  So, I told them I had to leave.

My kids are definitely much happier I’m home.   My husband is, too.  The money helped a lot with our financial obligations, but there is nothing like mama being home for dinner, ya know?